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Alexandra Malouf

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“Red Cedar to The Gardener”

An image of a poem. It reads: You've fed me 
water from a tube, cut 
Maisie’s name into my coat, 
and buried your cats 
between my roots.
I swallowed them 
the way I swallow fungi
and toxins, your water—
it is all too much. But I devour 
every gift, and if I could speak 
your language, 
I couldn’t say to you 
I never wanted
to be fed. Not while I guzzle 
your every breath.

In the loam, I crawl​
comfortably blind, 
my clawed feet twining 
with sisters, trading sugar
for minerals. I hear everything: 
tirade of wind, 
toothed machines, wires buzzing––
the silence of soil. 
I love the quiet, feeling 
my way around stones, 
dipping in and out of the water line.

As root rot creeps 
into me, my flat fingers 
turn umber and drop dry
at your feet. You hear 
none of it. How should you
when you hardly hear 
your own body speaking? 
You shovel and groan, knead 
your supple boughs, or plant yourself
against my skin and prattle 
like a tireless brook, or look 
for God in your bark pages.
Many days, our shadows 
have melded like clouds,​ 
growing long over the grass.

If I could speak, I’d tell you
there is nothing sweeter 
than to live on this earth
sipping water with you
beneath my curved arms, 
slender crook-staffs
herding sun.

“Red Cedar to The Gardener,” Poetry Wales, Vol. 59.3 (Spring), March 2024.

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